Needledrop

I just woke up from the following

2010-01-10T08:47:00.004-05:00

I just had a dream that I went to see Gary Numan in a ratty outdoor venue in broad daylight with a crowd that was sparse, so sparse that I was easily able to get right up front and center of the stage. It was odd to see him perform songs like "Cars" in broad daylight. Instead of being moody and morose, Numan was uncharacteristically animated, peppering the performance with a lot of stage banter, including several bad jokes, and, feeling uncomfortable for him, I would laugh.

He eventually singled me out for being one of the more devoted fans, which I wasn't, not really. Most of the material he performed was new songs. During one these new songs, a group of women in the audience lined up and started this horribly choreographed dance number, but it fell apart almost immediately. Toward the end of the concert, he showed a trailer for an animated kids pirate film he created and seemed genuinely enthusiastic about.

The band started playing Black Sabbath's "Iron Man," which my wife (uncharacteristically) identified as "Supernaut." I was like "Cool!" but I looked around and the venue was nearly empty. People were streaming out, and when I looked at the stage, Numan and his band was leaving too, but still playing. I wanted to buy something at the merchandise shack, but it was an assortment of oddities including a knit sweater vest that didn't even say Gary Numan on it.

Note: He actually looked like this photo. My brain must have done some advanced aging of his face.

The Worst/Best Rock Songs About Rock Part 3

2008-06-01T11:59:00.003-04:00

Worst
The Who, "Long Live Rock"
Long ago, someone asked me which band I hated more: Pink Floyd or The Who. I think I went with Pink Floyd at the time, but I think I have to revise that estimate. There are more Pink Floyd songs I can tolerate and even enjoy, and I can respect Roger Waters for writing songs that meant something to him. When I hear The Who, I think of a quartet of Brits lining up at an ATM and inserting songs for cash*. "My Generation?" "Baba O'Rilley?" "Pinball Wizard?" They sound to me like peals of money being yanked from teenage hands. No song is a worse offender than "Long Live Rock." When the chorus extols the virtues of standing in line for a rock show, that's not being in touch with reality. That's thanking your audience for being sheep.

*To be fair, I also thing about trampled Cincinnati fans, a cocaine overdose and child pornography.

Best
The Minutemen, "History Lesson, Part 2"
Certainly a lot less raucous than any previous best rock song about rock, "History Lesson, Part 2" is a Minutemen tribute to punk rock, only it sounds nothing like punk. It just sounds…like The Minutemen, which is to say, great. Unlike The Who pretending to connect with their fanbase, The Minutemen reached for a personal story. When singer/guitarist D. Boon says/sings "Punk rock changed our lives," there's no reason to doubt that he was entirely sincere, and when he says "Mister Narrator, this is Bob Dylan to me," is stated so plainly that it seems like the most obvious observation put to music, and you want to cry a little and kick yourself for not coming up with it.

The Race For Records 2008: Spiro T. Agnew Speaks Out

2008-05-23T10:48:00.010-04:00

In honor of the election year, I have decided to pay homage to the contest for the highest office in the United States of America the only way I know how: by writing about records instead of voting. Just kidding. I will also write about the occasional CD.

The Race For Records was inspired by this first record, one I probably shouldn't have bought, but for 50¢ in a Virginia antiques mall, I couldn't say no. Look at that face! Those mournful eyes, the slicked-back hair, the crisp suit, the look of pathos. Who among you could say no to Spiro T. Agnew?

Not me. For those of you who don't know, Spiro T. Agnew was the vice president under President Nixon. He was the first Greek-American vice president, the first vice president from Maryland, and the first vice president to resign under a cloud of criminal corruption. While the office of the vice president has been a rogues gallery of monsters, robots, idiot man-children, banana-headed elitists, and Walter Mondale for the last 28 years, the words of Spiro T. Agnew ring loud and proud. And out of touch. And hilarious.

Every track addresses a different side of Agnew. Whether it's his aggressive side where he's blasting hippies, or his sensitive side when he's blasting hippies, Agnew isn't afraid to let it all hang out.

Agnew is the nation's drunken father-in-law, lashing out against things he doesn't understand and painting them with the broadest brush possible. He's obviously angry and confused about the turmoil that fills the country, and even a little hurt, he attacks people freely expressing themselves in a democracy:

"It is not unusual nor should it be distressing that individuals of monumental ego among the failures of our society should attack everything fundamental to our free culture. They are simply lashing out in all direction because they cannot bear to face their individual inadequacies."

Har har har! Individual inadequacies. That's great. It's not dissimilar to many speeches I was on the receiving end of in high school.
...
"The every day, law abiding American who believes in his country needs a strong voice to articulate his dissatisfaction with those that seek to destroy our heritage of liberty and our system of justice. To penetrate the cacophony of seditious drivel emanating from the best publicized clowns in our society and their fans in the fourth estate."

Of course, it the country needs a strong voice that was not accused of accepting bribes in nearly every public office he held as well. But that was for another generation.
--
"And if the hippies and the yippies and the disrupters of the systems that Washington and Lincoln as presidents brought forth in this country will shut up and work within our free system of government, I will lower my voice."

Oh no, please don't.
--
"A spirit of national masochism prevails encouraged by an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals.

"Why then, if these political phenomena are standard to a democratic government should we be disturbed about them today?

"The answer lies not in the fear of kooks or demagogues themselves, but in their current respectability. Never in our history have we paid so much attention to so many odd characters. Twenty-five years ago, the tragicomic antics of such societal misfits would have brought he establishment running after them with butterfly nets rather than television cameras."
[laughter]

It is important to note here that the inclusion of laughter or applause is a little scattershot. Sometimes, it seems like it's natural. Other times, it seems like it was spliced into the recording without trying to make it sound remotely smooth.
--
Side two begins with a track called "Some Examples Of The Vice President's Wit."

[narrator]
"The vice-president's reputation for wit is well deserved, often at his own expense."

[Spiro T. Agnew]
"I enjoyed my recent visit to our Asian embassies. Eight of them still had windows.
[laughter]
"I knew I did fairly well when Bob Hope told me that he thought is was a little much that I waded ashore at Manila.
[laughter]
[applause]
[segue?]
"And I remember an experience President Nixon had with his schedule. He picked it up one day, and it had this scenario. It said President Nixon will speak for 10 minutes, following which, his remarks will be translated into English.
[nervous laughter]
[awkward explanation]
"Well, I knew he had trouble communicating sometimes, I didn't think it was that bad"

The wading ashore at Manila joke is little bit of a mystery to me. I can't figure out if the inclusion of Bob Hope makes it a joke, or if people are just pleased that they recognize a reference to General MacArthur.

As with any great work of entertainment, the record follows the joke portion with a threat of nuclear war with Asian communists. Now that's a build!

Back to Agnew:
--
"When I see a United States senator travel to Paris and engage in secret conversations with the enemy at a time when he should be reinforcing the solidarity of our effort to bring an end to that conflagration, it makes me wonder what those people in his state were thinking of when they sent that man to the Senate!"
[wild applause]

Of course, this was likely recorded some time before Henry Kissenger went to Paris for his won secret meetings to end the war, so I won't fault him for that. And it goes on.
--
Though it spins its wheels on the same themes, Spiro T. Agnew Speaks Out is nothing if not entertaining. By the end, you kind of feel sorry for him.

"In closing, let me say simply that I am growing terribly weary of America's noisy detractors.
[applause awkwardly cut in]
"If this is such a terrible place to live, if our government is so oppressive and inept, then why is there an endless waiting list of people seeking to emigrate to America?
[applause]
"Why doesn't the so-called brain-drain of Europe's greatest scientists and technicians moving the U.S. to work run in the opposite direction? Today, we the people of the U.S. should seek to emphasize what is right, what is decent, and what is good about our country."
[album fades out on applause]

You said it, Spiro. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Me! On the Radio. And internet.

2008-03-05T16:26:00.003-05:00

Big week for me in the Onion Radio News. I have not one but TWO pieces where I am the vocal talent.

Warning: There are swears.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75159
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/74753

Also, a couple of weeks ago, myself and two other Onion editors were interviewed by Leonard Lopate on public radio station WNYC. At the beginning of the interview, I promise to pledge $100 if Brooke Gladstone (co-host of On The Media) comes in and signs my chest or iPod. At the end of the interview, she comes in and I lose it.

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/lopate/episodes/2008/02/13

Where Is Your Evidence

2008-02-17T08:45:00.004-05:00

Artist: Frequency
Title: Where Is Your Evidence
Purchased: Savers, 2001? 2002?
Verdict: Available on eBay right now

I remember buying this. It was at Savers Thrift Store in Madison, since relocated to a crappier location that I will never visit ever again. I scored the World Destruction 12" by Time Zone (the odd pairing of Afrika Bambatta and John Lydon), and I saw this as well. I thought that since I had already gotten the ball rolling with one good find, maybe this was destined to be good as well.

There's another factor. Every year, I try to give techno another chance. And every year, I decide that I like it just as much as I did the previous year, i.e. not at all.

So when I my eyes were racing over everything to get rid of, I decided that I would finally give this a listen, and perhaps open my brain to a whole new genre. Well, Frequency was not the key to unlock my mind, though it did tickle some of the tumblers.

Metaphor strained. Can't maintain. Continue.

Anyway. It did remind me of 80s dance industrial band Manufacture, in that same way that all "THOOM THOOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM THOOOM THOOM THOOM THOOM EVERYBODY get LOOSE!" music does. In retrospect, maybe I didn't like Manufacture that much either. So, it's decided: Not only will I get rid of Frequency, but I'll also dig up my Manufacture 12" and get rid of that as well.

Guantanamera

2008-02-16T13:33:00.002-05:00

Title: Guantanamera
Artist: The Sandpipers
Purchased: Can not remember
Verdict: Digitizing two tracks

It's been a rough week. My normally stompy cat buddy Tiny was laconic and pooping blood. A lot of blood. When I got him to the vet, they told me that he needed a transfusion. AAAHHH! It's not the money. I just hate having my cats suffer, and hate leaving them at the vet because they hate it. That came in the midst of my regular job, working on a new book, writing an essay as a favor for a brand new satirical college publication in Nebraska, and trying my hand at another kind of writing assignment. Stressed out of my mind, I was doing all this work in our office, and getting more and more frustrated.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO STEP OVER ALL THESE RECORDS!!!!" I screamed, at least on the inside.

Then I came upon the solution. I would start a blog in which I would write about all the thrift store records I had indiscriminately purchased over the years, and decide if I was going to keep them or ditch them.

Then I had a realization: I already started such a blog about two years ago. I just hadn't written anything in it in the last eight months, and that was after promising to work harder at it.

So now I'm really going to work harder at it!

On to Guantanamera. I didn't really pay attention when I bought this. I looked at the cover, saw the tracks and the exotic beach scene and thought it might be a nice bit of exotica. Had I flipped the album over for more than a quick glance, I would have noted the group of…I don't know how to best describe them. 60s collegiate dorks? The bad element from The Lawrence Welk Show? One of the best, safest pompadours I have ever seen? All that.

After listening to the title track, I was ready to stop. By the second track, a listless version of "Strangers In The Night," I was less impressed. By the end of the first side, I was gleefully preparing titbits of destructive prose that would tear the Sandpipers a new one, about 40 years after it would do any good. "Flawlessly bland." "A wall of somnolence." "Would describe it as robotic if it were more interesting."

And then came side two.

The problem with me, as a music consumer, is that I'm a sucker for certain cover songs. I realized that I was in trouble when I saw that the second side started off with a version of "Louie Louie." That song and "Sunshine Superman" are my kryptonite. And sure enough, The Sandpipers delivered. It was slow and sexless, but it was just a little creepy. Unsettling. Like, you know this is supposed to be belted out drunkenly by people who don't know the words, yet here it is. Quiet. Restrained. And in Spanish. They completed their one-two punch with a cover of The Beatles "Things We Said Today," which, though not in Spanish, still seemed slightly alien and soothing.

I almost liked the last track "Angelica" (pronounced "ahn-juh-LEE-kuh," which I'm guessing is their best approximation of a Latino accent), but on the second listen, it wasn't as dense and interesting as I thought it was. It was just more dense in comparison to the rest of the album.

In any case, two pretty good songs are no longer enough to warrant keeping a whole album when hard drive space is so cheap. I'll keep those and dump the rest, and to hell with the consequences!

Eight-Second Review: Melt Banana at 7th Street Entry, Minneapolis

2007-06-27T10:10:00.000-04:00

You don't have time to see Japanese noise punk bands. Hell, you don't even have time to read about them. So here's what you should know about Melt Banana with The Boggs and Birthday Suits in less than 10 seconds.

The Boggs: Missed 'em
Birthday Suits: Dull to average
Melt Banana: Really good
The crowd: Seemed like they would have moshed to anything.

Breaking interview news!

2007-06-21T15:47:00.000-04:00

I know I wasn't going to post for a while, so two posts immediately after I make that proclamation seems weird, but this is too big. Jesse Thorn, over at The Sound Of Young America just interviewed naaaaaasty funkstress Betty Davis. Check it out! Jesse is Awesome, as is Betty Davis.

Now I Wanna Be Joe Garden

2007-06-21T08:23:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had a dream that I was playing drums for the reunited Stooges. Only I can't play drums. I was missing beats, fills, and sometimes, entire songs. Finally, Iggy had the sollution. Move Watt to drums, Ashton to bass and me to guitar. Which I also can't play. I will say one thing for dream Iggy; he's very diplomatic when it comes to failures.

New excuse

2007-06-17T22:11:00.001-04:00

So, now that the move is done, why haven't I been posting? Well, here are my reasons now.

1) There are boxes of books in front of my records. I am waiting for the arrival of my bookshelves from Wisconsin before I can unpack them.

2) Work has been ramped up.

3) On top of that, I have two projects that are due in short order. LIke, insanely short order. Like, a sane person would nevery have aggreed to do this.

In short, I have been going sort of nuts.

I swear, I will get back to it on a more regular basis.

And now, I think the ratio excuse to non-excuse posts is like 1:20.

Needledrop Two-fer: In Heat & Little Robbers

2007-06-03T15:05:00.000-04:00

Titles: In Heat/Little Robbers
Artists: The Romantics/The Motels
Purchased: No recollection
Verdict: Bleah!/Meh

The Romantics are best known for their hit "Talking In Your Sleep." Not familiar? How about this refresher: "You tell me that you want me/You tell me that you need me/you tell me that you love me/and I know that I'm right/Cause I hear it in the night/I hear the secrets that you keep/When you're talking in your sleep."

There. Got it? Well, that's all you're getting from me. Anyway, that bit of mediocre songwriting is all that they should be known for. As the album title suggests, The Romantics perform a lot of songs about wanting sex, none of which actually evoke sex in a way that make me want to have it. Instead, it's audio saltpeter that makes my genitals shrivel up just a little with every note. Read these lyrics and see if you want to fuck. "Little girl/You're such a tease/Everytime/Aim to please." Kudos to them for executing restraint by not throwing the word "knees" in there. In Heat is a tom-heavy abhorrent product of the 80s, best evidenced by the song title "Love Me To The Max," and it made me angrier and angrier the more it was on. Bitchin.

The Motels, on the other hand, had more hits and worse fashion sense. Their best known (and arguably best period), "Suddenly Last Summer," is on this album. But while there's not a lot to hate, hit single aside, there's not a lot to love either. It wafts through the air and out the window before you even notice most of it. I can always download "Suddenly Last Summer" and have 12 ounces less to lug around in my life.

Apartment is set up...

2007-05-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

New speakers arrived last week (see picture). I have sorted out and shelved most of my records that I need to consider, so I will resume that shortly. In the meantime, as an aesthetics update, here's what I've gotten recently, in reverse order of purchase:
Sly and the Family Stone: The Collection
El P: I'll Sleep When Your're Dead
Battles: Mirrored
Devin the Dude: Waiting To Inhale
Brittain Ashford: 4 Songs
Nation Of Ulysses: 13-Point Program To Destroy America
Prisonshake: I'm Really Fucked Now
Friend and Lover: Reach Out In The Darkness*
*eBay Purchase, came with a brand new but nasty Seka flexi-single tucked inside.

Posit:

2007-03-19T18:13:00.000-04:00

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are the worst thing to happen to music in the last 25 years. Discuss.

Somehow...

2007-03-18T20:02:00.000-04:00

...the records I meant to get rid of got packed along with my keepers. The upshot is that I'll be able to listen to the records I didn't have a chance to. The downside is that I managed to drag an additional ten pounds of detritus to my new place. I probably won't be posting any record reviews for a while, at least until we get the turntables moved over.

Script of the Bridge

2007-03-16T09:42:00.000-04:00

Title: Script of the Bridge
Artist: The Chameleons
Purchased: Long Borrowed, never returned, from my friend Seth (I think)
Verdict: You can get your album back any time now

Maybe I actually got this at a thrift store. I just remember my friend Seth being a big fan. So were a lot of other people in college in the early 90s. Ah, those were the days! Back when British musicians were once again poised to invade these shores and displace our bloody hold on pop music with their sexually-beige "brit pop." Well, I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for pop-grunge of Alice In Chains and their ilk for ensuring that never came to pass.

Script of the Bridge sounds like A Flock Of Seagulls with 20% more instruments and 20% less catchiness. I really have nothing more to say about it. Bleah.

Live At The Country West, Marshfield, WI

2007-03-14T04:26:00.000-04:00

Title: Live At The Country West, Marshfield, WI
Artist: The Al Perry Country Affair featuring Donna Love
Purchased: December 2006, Half Price Books, Madison, WI
Verdict: Keep, but only out of pity

Okay, it's a half-baked album of country covers recorded "live" in Marshfield, WI with canned applause. Al Perry is a fairly good slide guitarist, but over all, it's pretty abhorrent. Dull, plodding, uninspired. And if you're going to record a fake live album, why not make it at the Grand Old Opry? As you might be able to tell from the stark, almost Soviet cover, it's a vanity record. So if it's so bad, why am I keeping it? There was an 8x10 black and white publicity photo signed to "My best to my friend Grandma Maud, Al Perry." I mean, if his own family didn't want this album, someone has to want it. That someone is going to be me. Damn my sentimental heart.

Curtola

2007-03-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Title: Curtola
Artist: Curtola
Purchased: I have no recollection
Verdict: Eeeech.

Part of the reason I started this blog, unspoken until now, is that I often find myself in a thrift store calling Anita to ask her about an album I am considering buying. All too often, there is no information on the internet, as a lot of thrift store albums are forgotten to time. So I'll buy it, and bring it home.

Well, if you are, for whatever reason, in the same situation, let me say this. Do not buy this album. Do not consider it. I mean, I should have realized that if someone does a cover of "Watching Scotty Grow," you should throw it to the back of the bin and never look back. I would have done that, but I never knew that's what the song was called. It starts off with "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden." As much as I love Lynn Anderson, I will concede that "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" is not a soulful song. Curtola's version strips it of whatever vestiges of soul it once had. I have a problem with comedians that do lounge singers because they are gross carractures that never live up to the joke. They're paper tigers. Curtola lives up to every lounge singer parody I have ever seen. This album is just dreck.

Please. If you see it in a thrift store, break it in half, take it to the fron counter and tell them that they have a broken record that should not be sold.

Listening with One Ear...a plea

2007-03-12T10:02:00.000-04:00

Hey you people who read this.

I've been running on mono since we blew one of our powered speakers at a charity event the Cordial Squad was DJing. I took it to be repaired, and it will cost some $300 to repair. Why? The company does not have a certified seller or repair place in New York (the closest is California), and they only sell the complete circuit board, not the parts on the board that need to be replaced. Circuit board? Yes, they are powered speakers, so you don't need an amp. Oh, and the model we have is no longer made. If anyone runs across a working American Audio APX Power Pro speaker, or if you have other powered speakers that work well and you want to get rid of them for a reasonable price, please let me know. Thanks.

Circuses and Bread

2007-03-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

Title: Circuses and Bread
Artist: The Durutti Column
Purchased: Absorbed from my brother's collection, 1988
Verdict: You lucked out this time

I'm looking at things a lot harder now, because I'm packing for a move. Nothing puts things into perspective like having your living room dominated by boxes of records with plenty more records yet to be packed. As such, it's going to take a lot more than one good song to make me keep it. Come to think of it, I shouldn't be wasting my time writing a blog while I should be packing, but I just gotta be me.

I have had Circuses and Bread for almost 20 years without once listening to it. after looking at the condition of the vinyl, I doubt my brother even listened to it. I knew that it was a Factory Records thing, but I that's about it. I put it on expecting something dreary or synthy, or generally shitty, and I was sharpening my claws for just such a record. I was surprised. It was mellow, guitar and strings. Really pretty. Kind of soothing after a long day of packing. I'm keeping it, and playing it the entire time I unpack so I can keep my unpacking temper tamped down and not kill someone.

Eight-Second Review: Antony and the Johnsons with the Brooklyn Philharmonic Orchestra at BAM

2007-03-11T13:07:00.000-04:00

You don't have time to go to see gender-dysphoric torch singers perform with orchestras . Hell, you don't even have time to read about them. So here's what you should know about Antony and the Johnsons with the Brooklyn Philharmonic Orchestra at BAM, March 9, 2007, in less than 10 seconds.

Number of songs performed in complete darkness: 1
Paralyzing thought: Jesus, what if they light up that whole bank of lights behind the orchestra for the entire thing?
And did they? Well, no, only for about 30 seconds.
Covers that would blow your mind: Beyoncé's "Crazy In Love"
Total length of time: About an hour
Guys that were there with their moms: Probably just me

Silence

2007-02-24T09:22:00.000-05:00

We blew one of our powered speakers at a DJ gig. So that's part of why I haven't been listening to records to get rid of.

Oh, and my camera is in Prague as well.

Excuses excuses.

Eight-Second Review: Ennio Moricone Live at Radio City Music Hall

2007-02-20T13:27:00.000-05:00

You don't have time to go to see legendary film score composers. Hell, you don't even have time to read about them. So here's what you should know about Ennio Morricone live at Radio City Music Hall, February 3, 2007, in less than 10 seconds.

Price Per Ticket, if you brought them at the last minute: $200
Celebrities Spotted: Liam Neeson, Natasha Richardson, Wilem Dafoe
Celebrities who left before the end: Natasha Richardson, Liam Neeson
Musical People Spotted: Baby Hanoi Jane (Oneida), Jim Thirwell (Foetus, again)
Encores: 3
Did they play The Good, The Bad and The Ugly? Yes, and they NAILED it.

The Original Sin

2007-02-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

Title: The Original Sin
Artist: Cowboys International
Purchased: Madison, Early 90s
Verdict: Blaaa-aaat

80s teen comedy high school dance scene band. This is what Jello Biafra has described as "skinny-tie wimpola pop music." There might have been a time when I would have liked this record, but, unfortunately, I can't really remember it. Or maybe thank god I can't remember it. Even though my purchase locale of "Madison, Early 90s" is vague, it may be completely incorrect. It may have come from Springfield, IL. Wait, I think it was from a weird church basement thrift store in Madison. Yes, it's coming back to me. I went down and pawed through records and this stood out as the most interesting one. I also bought a David Soul record. There's nothing worse than the feeling of having gone through a bin without walking away with at least one record tucked under your arm, except perhaps the realization that you bought a shitty record out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

Love Is Blue, Green Tambourine, Love Theme of Elvira Madigan Featuring The Young Lovers

2007-02-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

Title: Love Is Blue, Green Tambourine, Love Theme of Elvira Madigan Featuring The Young Lovers
Artist: The Young Lovers? Maybe?
Purchased: Half Price Books, Madison, WI, Summer 2006
Verdict: Gone

From this point forward, I will only refer to this album by "LIB", since the title is so long and unruly. I suppose no more unruly than this paragraph, which exceeds the word count. Well, it's my blog. Go get your own if you don't like it.

Do you remember the episode of The Simpsons from the first season where Homer and Marge go out for dinner and dancing, leaving Bart, Lisa and Maggie in the hands of the Babysitter Bandit? Well, it aired. In the "dancing" part of their date, Homer and Marge grooved to the sounds of a band called The Larry Davis Experience that plays a listless version of the Perez Prado song "In A Little Spanish Town." Catchy melody, but drained of whatever spunk it originally had. Thus, it was funny for Homer and Marge to dance enthusiastically to it.

In a nutshell, that is LIB, only without cartoon parents dancing. They (whoever the band is; it's kind of uncertain from the cover) manage to trudge their way a decent "Green Tambourine," but who can't? There were no shortage of records where tiny labels hired stringers to re-record well-known songs and dumping them in Woolworth's to an unsuspecting consumer. See my previous Super Hits for another example. Sometimes, they're worth the buck, of only because you hear a familiar song you never knew the name of, or there's a genuinely good arrangement on the album. Unfortunately, there's no great title revelation or mind-blowing arrangement here. So it's time to crack out the USB turntable I got for Christmas and save one song for posterity. And the album goes to the thrift store in the sky.

Redoubling my efforts

2007-02-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

I've lost sight of what this was all initially about: Purging my records. This in mind, I am going to try to do a minimum of three new posts a week, if I can bear it. And again, if there is something I am getting rid of that you might want, chime in and request it. Just email me, joe dot garden atsign gmail dot com. It's not just about getting rid of stuff. It's about relocating old music to an appreciative home.

Les Plus Grands Succes 2

2007-02-10T14:16:00.000-05:00

Title: Les Plus Grands Succes 2
Artist: Adamo
Purchased: Aruba Antiques store, November 2003
Verdict: Pour certain, c'est quelque chose

I can't translate the title any better than "The Largest Success," which may mean "greatest hits." I don't know. I was a horrible student of French and everything.

There's a disturbing quality to this album that I can't put my finger on. Perhaps if I spoke French, I could pinpoint the je ne sais quoi Les Plus Grands Succes 2 has. Perhaps it's the glib mashing of sounds that makes me uneasy. The songs vary from 50s-doo-wop-meets-sitar-swinger to 70s-pop-singer-meets-spaghetti-western-soundtrack to balladeer to just the bleah of syrupy string arrangements. It's not just strings. There's horns, theremin, and other undefined instruments. It's like he'd have an idea and no one was there to tell him no. So here, well after the fact, I will step up to the plate. No, Adamo. No. You've spent too much money on a shitty song already. A zither isn't going to help it.

That said, there were one or two songs that were kind of enjoyable, but not enough to buy. Or keep when I'm plotting a move. Or remember. But Anita likes because Irwin Chusid used to play the Scopitone to "Petit Bonheur" at one of his Incorrect Video nights. So, we'll digitize the decent and ditch the rest.

Life's An Illusion, Aging's A Dream

2007-01-28T19:16:00.000-05:00

Oh, man.

I have the TV on right now. I was in the other room waiting for a phone call. Suddenly, I hear the Buzzcocks song "Everybody's Happy Nowadays," and I thought, "Who is possibly licensing this song for a commercial? Tide? Twix?" I mean, I'm pretty much past caring after Devo redid "Whip It" for Swiffer, but I was still curious.

I walk into the other room and see images of people frollicking in gorilla suits, people throwing cake, people jumping in balloons. Fun! Everybody IS happy nowadays! And then the announcer comes on. It's for the AARP.

I guess Pete Shelley's got to eat, but Christ, I'm old.

Genuinely Good or Nostalgia Trip?

2007-01-26T18:29:00.000-05:00

I am currently nerding out on Thomas Dolby. Not "She Blinded Me With Science," but the album The Flat Earth, which I listened to mostly in high school, and have sporadically dug it out ever since.

At this point in my life, I seem to be doing that a lot (see my previous post on The Birthday Party). I go back and listen to old albums I had and go "WOW! What an overlooked classic!" But is it really that great, or am I just fixated on it because it harkens back to a certain point in my life, in this case, 8th through 10th grade? Mind you, those weren't particularly great times for me, but at least I had some refuge in this album.

I tend to think I like The Flat Earth still it's because it was genuinely good. The songs are pretty, the lyrics are smart, and the song "Hyperactive" makes me jump around. Conversely, I've revisited other songs and bands and thought "what the hell was I thinking?"

Bauhaus springs to mind. So do The Beatles (most of the material post-Revolver is just too self-indulgent. I mean, Sgt. Pepper? Come on. Who wants to sit down and listen to "For The Benefit of Mister Kite?"). Well, I still enjoy both bands to an extent, but I'm more discriminating with their music than I used to be.

So, is The Flat Earth good? Or just a stupd nostalgia trip? I know I should just enjoy what I enjoy, but I can't help but to second guess my taste.

Reasons I Didn't Want To DJ On New Years Eve Even Though I Did

2007-01-01T20:10:00.000-05:00

Scenario 1:

Patron 1: I think someone is dead in the bathroom.
Me: Well, go tell a bartender.

Sceanrio 2:

Patron 2: Do you have any Sean Paul or reggae?
Me: Nnnnnnno.
Patron 2: How about Led Zeppelin?
Me: Uh...
Anita: Yes! I threw Led Zeppelin 1 in my bag at the last minute. What do you want to hear? "Good Times Bad Times?" "Communication Breakdown?"
Patron 2: (looking at Anita blankly) "Stairway To Heaven?"
Anita: (Hands patron CD) Here's what's on the CD.
Patron 2: (Stares blankly at CD for a few seconds before handing it back, then, in as cool a voice as he can muster) You know what to play. You know what to play.

My top 10 for 2006

2006-12-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

By which I mean "What I have been listening to in 2006," since I barely bought any new music. Despite the fact that it's numbered from 10 to 1, they are not meant to be in any real order.

10. Angry Samoans-"You Stupid Jerk" from Back From Samoa or 31 Garbage-Pit Hits or The Unboxed Set

At 23 seconds--–angry seconds--–I listened to this song at least 95 times this year, taking a sum total of 36 minutes. I think I just put it on repeat one day, so it was a concentrated dose, and not spread out. Here are the lyrics, in their entirety.

"You stupid jerk/I can't take it no more/your face makes me want to puke/and your mother's a whore/oooooooohhh/you stupid jerk." Excuse me, I have something in my eye.

A close second was their catchy song "The Right Side of My Mind." Not the live version. The studio one. Pick up The Unboxed Set. It's got four offensive albums worth on one CD.

9. The Eternals-"Space Dancehall" from Rawar Style

I cycled through favorites on Rawar Style, including "Shilouette" and "The Beat Is Too Original," but I paid more attention to this song because I was trying to figure out the lyrics. Ask me to sing it sometime. I didn't get all of them, but I can fake it. The band blows my mind if only because they make catchy music that sounds so unlike anything else, and Damon Locks is a great lyricist and probably the most charismatic frontman I have seen live.

8. The Spinners-"I'll Be There" from A One Of A Kind Love Affair-The Anthology

This was a radio staple when I was growing up. When I finally bought it--–first on 45, then on LP, then on MP3--–I was sort of surprised at how sad it actually was. I always thought it was an ode to love in general. Actually, it's sort of a pleading and desperexhortationtion of someone who was recently dumped. The cynical Joe Garden would say that this is how all love songs actually end. The happily married Joe Garden just loves the vocals and feels bad for singer Philippe Wynn, who died on stage in 1984.

7. Joe Bataan-"Chick A Boom" from Let's Boogaloo

Speaking of making me happy, Joe Bataan's Robin Hood-themed number is definitely a classic. Bataan recoded for the Fania label and was a prime mover in the Latin Jazz movement of the late 60s and early 70s. "Chick A Boom" was recorded a few years ago with some stringers, and it jumps. I've had it for a few years, but for some reason, I really played the hell out of it this year. When he hits the lyrics "You'll find out what we've known all along/By trying to keep us down you made us strong," the hairs on my arms stand up. You can have your Bob Dylan. This is protest music you can dance to.

6. Tyondai Braxton-"Hold On To Distance" from History That Has No Effect

I saw Tyondai on my birthday. I couldn't have asked for a better present. He starts out with a stark beat-boxed rhythm track and builds on it, layering more and more sound until it reaches the sky. "Hold On To Distance" is a melancholy track, and it fills me with undefined yearning when I hear it. I can't wait 'til his next album comes out, but in the meantime, there's always Battles, the band he's in with members of Don Caballero and Helmet.

5. The Birthday Party-"Capers" from Prayers On Fire

I've been suffering from nostalgia in the past year. As I've grown further from new music, I dip into my CDs, realize that I haven't listened to this in about 8 years, rip it to my iPod and spend the next 14 days listening to it every day. This harkens back to my whole Nick Cave/Birthday Party phase, but "Capers" was actually written by Rowland S Howard. Really, it's a terribly dreary song; stumbling rhythms, growled vocals and wailing music. It's really more interesting cacophony than music.

4. Tom Vek-If I Could Change My Mind from We Have Sound

I discovered this song, and the following one, in St. Paul while listening to Minnesota Public Radio. They actually have a rock station, and I was surprised by the breadth of the music that they played, and was impressed enough to go to the website to look up some of the songs. Based on what I heard on iTunes, Tom Vek is kind of a Beck wannabe. I mean, lookit him! At this point, I'm not even sure we need one Beck, let alone two. But on "If I Could Change My Mind," he comes off as more of a Mark E. Smith wannabe, but a damn good one.

3. No Lay-"Unorthodox" from Run of the Road Vol. 2

"Oh," says I. "So this is 'grime' music.'" For the first time, a song made me feel old. It's like when I read about the outcome of the Super Bowl in the New York Times. Great song, though.

2. The Exciters-"Tell Him" from the 45

For a 60s girl-pop song, this has a great beat, and it's fun to sing along. The first two or so seconds of my 45 is worn out from cuing it up, so it sounds like you're listening on a jet.

1. Electric Light Orchestra-"Sweet Talkin Woman" from

10 years ago, my friend Matt Quigle told me how good ELO is. I was skeptical. I mean, I had memories of roller skating to "Don't Bring Me Down" and feeling aaaaawfuly alone. But here it is, 2006, and my wife plays Electric Light Orchestra telling me how great it is. And then, two months later, I had "Swet Talkin' Woman" ineplicably lodged in my head.

...and one extra, which came out of left field and really surprised me.

Roy Clark-"Just Another Man"

I can't remember what album this is from. I think it's Yesterday, When I Was Young, but I could be way off base.I'm away from home, or I would check. I bought it when I was on a country record buying jag, and Anita put this on a country mix she made for a friend's birthday party. Most of my inpressions of Roy Clark come from the show Hee Haw, in which he would leer and mug his way through numerous songs and sketches. But "Just Another Man" is a sweet song about a freewheeling guy who is conflicted by the fact that he has fallen for his one night stand. It really sticks with you, lyrically and melodically.

Knuckel Drager Is Still King

2006-12-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

If you haven't, and you should have, go see Knuckel Drager. For those that don't know the band, they hail from Madison, WI, as far from the beach as imaginable, but they manage to play some of the tightest garage/surf/drag racing music around. Also, they re-recorded their song "Mod Top" for the theme to Vote Joe, and it it kicks ass.

They opened for Exene at a crummy little club called Rebel (I mean, who names their club Rebel? Why not just name it "Rock and Roll Club Bar" or "The Peach Pit After Dark?"), then three of the band changed outfits and backed Exene. I bought as much merch as I could afford and still buy beer. Thanks to my wife, Anita, for buying more beer when I ran out of cash. Anyway, they played a great set, then they looked like they were having a ball backing Exene. Not just "Hey, I am enjoying my life as a musician," but "Holy shit, we are backing Exene and this is the greatest time I have had ever!"

Please, just give them a listen. If you disagree, then I still like you.

Eight-Second Review: Little Steven's Underground Garage Rolling Rock 'n' Roll Show

2006-11-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

You don't have time to go to rock shows. Hell, you don't even have time to read about them. So here's what you should know about Little Steven's Underground Garage Rolling Rock 'n' Roll Show at Irving Plaza Wednesday, November 24, in less than 10 seconds.

Martinettes - Missed
The Charms - Snore
Chesterfield Kings - Great
Supersuckers - Meh
New York Dolls - Dolls

Do The Twist

2006-11-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

Title: Do the Twist
Artist: Tubby Chess and His Candy-Stripe Twisters
Purchased: Richland Center Antique Mall, Winter of 2001
Verdict: Let's not, like we did last summer

My friend Dan Guterman once wrote a list for McSweeneys entitled "Popular Singers Inspired By Fats Domino and Chubby Checker". It's funny unless you know that there actually were a number of imitators hoping to cash in on the success of Chubby Checker, only they lacked the stage-name imagination. Such is the case with Tubby Chess née Flatus Argyle of the Detroit Argyles.

That's not his actual birth name. I'm just suffering from a lack of anything to say and lashing out with juvenile names. Plus I can't find anything about him on the internet. In any case, Do The Twist sounds like you're receiving two oldies radio stations at once. It's all familiar, but it's sure not fun to listen to. Actually, I find Chubby Checker insufferable. Here's a guy that recorded an annoying novelty song that he didn't even write and he thinks that he changed rock and roll. Nuts to him and this Tubby Chess guy both!

Train I Ride

2006-11-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

I got on the train after a weird comedy set tonight and who should be on my train but Jim Thirwell. I've met him before, but I didn't approach him. He was reading, and, you know, what do you say to Foetus?

William Carlos Williams Reading His Poems

2006-11-13T09:33:00.000-05:00

Title: William Carlos Williams Reading His Poems
Artist: William Carlos Williams
Purchased: Madison Savers, July 2006
Verdict: Out

William Carlos Williams
is as good a reader
as I am
a poet.

Hymn of the Seventh Galaxy

2006-11-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

Title: Hymn of the Seventh Galaxy
Artist: Return To Forever with Chick Corea
Purchased: Don't remember where, within the past year
Verdict: Gone

With 12 Grammys, Chick Corea is one of the nation's most celebrated jazz pianists.

With confessions to over 30 murders, Ted Bundy is one of the nation's most celebrated serial killers.

Advertisements of the Flaming Druglords

2006-10-26T17:01:00.000-04:00

In my dream last night, I walked into a store to buy something. As I walked out, I realized that a TV commercial was playing a Lake of Dracula song. I went in to watch the rest of the commercial and tried to tell the clerk how cool it was that Lake of Dracula was finally getting some money, because I always thought they were very underrated and deserved it.

Pressure

2006-10-16T09:34:00.000-04:00

Title: Pressure
Artist: 400 Blows
Purchased: Don't remember
Verdict: Out

There is a 400 Blows from LA. This is not them, but they have to be better than this. Mind you, I still think that any band that names themselves after a Truffaut film sucks. Joe Garden Rule of Rock. Put it in your playbook. Pressure is a 12" single that comes with four different versions of the same track. "Track," not "song." The original is a dull, almost inaudible melody, a lazy drum machine 4/4 beat, with the word "pressure" sort of sung intermittently throughout. There may have been other vocals, but even after four versions, I can't remember them. I want to listen to it again so check, but we're listening to The Devil's Anvil, and I can not be bothered to take off something interesting in order to put on something so dull, even for you, curious reader.

When I was in high school, I never knew what dub was. If a record, at least the kind I was buying at the time, had a "dub version," it meant that they cut out some vocals and cut in some lame. This has a "dub version" entitled "Dubbing Pressure," which means echo on the vocals and tinny distortion on the drum. Sorry, drum machine. Also, there's "Radio Pressure," "Club Pressure" and "Perspective 2." Wait, maybe that last one isn't a version of "Pressure," but it was not distinguishable from that song in any way. This wealth of versions is probably great for DJs who wanted to keep the groove going, but who can dance at 92 beats per minute? I, according to some, am a terrible dancer, but I know what makes terrible dance music. This is it.

Pistolswing

2006-10-15T18:52:00.000-04:00

Title: Pistolswing
Artist: Johnboy
Purchased: Given to me by a college paper arts editor in 1994
Verdict: Purged

I got this record, and a stack of other Touch and Go distributed records, from the arts editor of a nameless college newspaper while I was serving as a college rep for a nameless major record label. Okay, it was the Badger Herald and Sony. Don't judge me.

I liked the idea of having a stack of Touch and Go distributed records more than I actually liked playing them. Not that I don't like Touch and Go. In the course of doing this, I have had to ask myself, several times, why I own all these records without having listened to them. It's an embarrassment of riches. I don't listen to them precisely because I can listen to them any time, and the thrill of the bargain is usually greater than the actual record. That's my theory today.

So on to Pistolswing. Perhaps I didn't give this the fair shake it deserved. We were cleaning at the time, so I didn't sit down and soak up the nuance. Not that there was a lot of nuance to soak up. There was a lot of noisy rock, probably some mean vocals, and then Anita would turn on the vacuum cleaner. And that didn't really detract from the experience.

I understand the Trance Syndicate sound. I like it in some cases, like Ed Hall and The Cherubs. I even like The Pain Teens. But this was just boring guitar noise that never really ratcheted up in intensity. Good night, Johnboy.

Two-fer: Nasty Savage and Penetration Point

2006-10-09T09:51:00.000-04:00

Titles: Nasty Savage, Penetration Point
Band: Nasty Savage
Purchased: Uhhhh…
Verdict: Keep 'em

I only vaguely remember when and where I got these albums. I remember that I spent cash money on them for the usual reasons: the covers and the price. I mean, look at those covers? What the hell is that? No, not the cover of Nasty Savage. Any idiot could tell you that's just the band's name spelled out in swords. Look at Penetration Point. It's got some sort of owl man goat monster on it. And a little boy. And a sword. And some serious late 80s design element on the right. I had a friend in high school, Kyle Anderson, who would draw stuff like that. Only he was good.

There's not a ton of information about Nasty Savage. At least, there wasn't a ton of information that my four minutes of googling and searching Wikipedia turned up. Their official website is a Geocities site, now shut down. The music, one might guess, is metal. Between the two albums they went from the Motley Crue denim-n-bondage look to the Metallica long-hair look, or maybe the Suicidal Tendencies long after that song about the Pepsi look. Musically, they rock. Fast drums, fast guitars, and lyrics obsessed with evil and self-doubt and the welcome wagon. That is not a typo.

The rock is passable. It's like a poor-man's Florida-based not-as-smart Metallica. Not quite as blistering, but still pretty enjoyable if you want to listen to metal that doesn't suck.

My favorite moment is on the song "Asmodeus." When he hits the last syllable of "Asmodeus"–keeping in mind that he has added an extra syllable between "as" and "mod"–his voice swoops up about 5 octaves. This visual approximation can not do it justice, but here goes.

                                uuuuuuuuuuusssss!"
                            uuu
"Az-a-mode-ee-

He sings about a demon like a girl. And that, on record, is just too amazing to let go.

Gouged

2006-10-03T17:19:00.000-04:00

I recently lost by USB-to-iPod connector cable. I have a back-up, but it's FireWire, which the new iPods do not support. So I had to go buy a new one. 3 1/2 feet. Made in China. $19, plus tax. Go to hell, Steve Jobs.

Super Hits

2006-10-01T11:47:00.000-04:00

Title: Super Hits
Artist: The King's Road
Purchased: 2004, Half Price Books, Madison, WI
Verdict: Like gone, man.

The title doesn't lie: these are super hits. "She's A Lady." "Isn't it A Pity." "Jesus Christ Superstar." I'm in so far. The lie of omission is that nowhere on the cover does it mention that these songs are performed by The King's Road. Who? For the sake of history, I will now transcribe the rear jacket notes, sentence fragment for sentence fragment, word for unnecessarily capitalized word, so that the timeless message of The King's Road will last until the internet dies. Or I die and this Blogger account lapses. Or I lose interest.

"The Hits and the Heavies of today.
Flick the dial, let the sound lay on You.
Jazzrock blasting big and wild.
Funky.
Music of the Woodstock Nation.
The black beautiful sounds from the ghettoes of America's shame.
Head music from the Coast via Mill Valley and The Strip.
Getting the groovy feeling all over.
Good vibrations coming down.
Superhits are like the sounds you dig.
Right on!
For a little bread.
What was that that group called that made it happen.
Our group is called King's Road.
It's a place in Chelsea.
Swingin' London. B.A. (Before Altamont)
Be free.
Dig the way these cats make it happen again.
Instant replay.
Sounds like the original. Maybe better? [transcriber's note: No]
Open up your head to the thing with someone else's music.
It's a commune for hit freaks.
People who dig talent, message, love!
King's Road are street people.
King's Road are the sounds that talk to us.
They're saying something .
That something is superhits.
Superhits all together.
Get It Together!"

It reads a little like Bela Lugosi's monologue from Bride of the Monster. The space between "something" and the period, by the way, is on the original. I thought it was probably some sort of hippy code that was important to the vibrations of the intended message. Also, note that it reads "Superhits are like the sounds you dig," and not "Superhits are the sound you dig," a subtle distinction that was clearly lost on me when the blonde in the Superman shirt caught my eye at the Half Price Books.

Okay, they do a passable "She's A Lady," which I already have on three or four Tom Jones albums. They screwed up Lynn Anderson's "Rose Garden." I can forgive that, although I don't know what a bunch of swingin' mods are doing covering it. But "Knock Three Times?" I've never really thought about that song until this listen. That is a really bad song. The King's Road doesn't add anything to the songs they cover, and since I don't often have the urge to put on John Lennon's "Mother," I am disposing of this. Dig? Wild.

Duplicate Problem

2006-09-26T09:34:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I buy a copy of a record I already have because I can't bear to have it languish in a thrift store or used record store. Selfish, I know. Sometimes, I forget I have a record and buy it, only to find it on my shelves already. Sometimes, I get it for free and can't bear to pass it up.

In my routine pruning of my collection, I came across the following duplicates:

The Specials The Specials (already donated to Chris Karwowski, aka DJ Digestif)
Brian Eno Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)
Blood, Sweat and Tears Blood, Sweat and Tears
Blondie Autoamerican
Thompson Twins Side Kicks
Squeeze Sweets From A Stranger
Adrian Belew Desire Caught By The Tail
Men At Work Business As Usual

I know, I know. Why the hell should I have duplicates of some that albums I shouldn't even own? Well, the earlier offer for free music stands. If any reader wants any of these, let me know.

And speaking of purging duplicates, I've been saving a bunch of CDs that have been scratched, thinking that there must be a way to revitalize them. Well, I was right. A friend at a video rental store has graciously resurfaced several different CDs for me, saving an imported Caetano Veloso from the garbage, restoring a Bettye Swan that someone gave me, and rendering a scratched-to-hell $1 used purchase of The Eels Shootenanny playable once more. It also left me with duplicates of several CDs, including The Beatles Revolver, Barbara Manning In New Zealand and Trenchmouth The Broadcasting System. Also, I have a few copies of The Eternals High Anxiety remix EP that I bought because I wanted to spread the love. If you'd like one of these, or one of ANY of the records I am getting rid of, email joe dot garden at gmail dot com.

Duplicate Problem

2006-09-26T09:34:00.001-04:00

Singles Purge 1

2006-09-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

Less surface space on the vinyl = less words on Needledropper. I bought three of these from the Reckless Records blow-out singles bin for 50 cents each.

Service Anxiety The Persistent Inversion of Solution by Protective Powers EP
Friends of friends, nice guys. I bought this at a show in Chicago. Sort of spazzy punk with Chris Thompson-y singing. Over all, not too inspired on record, but it is one off the thickest 7"s I own. Pretty beautiful in that regard, and I love the letterpress sleeve, but I still wouldn't listen to the record again. Out.

Tulips "Wet" b/w "King Of Sex"
Female singer doing Killdozer's "King of Sex?" In.

Rise Above "Beat It" b/w "What It Is (Unity)" "Real Deal"
Belgian hardcore and all that entails. Out.

Roughage & Masonna "Calendar Girl"/Nimrod "Getting Rained On"
I remember a time when I would have liked this, but I think I'm mostly over my Japanese noise phase. Out.

Best/Worst Rock Songs About Rock, Part 2

2006-09-17T21:18:00.000-04:00

Worst
Billy Joel "Still Rock and Roll To Me"
I am consistently baffled that a song about rock could rock so little. Billy Joel consumed doo-wop, new wave and big band and threw up this vile concoction directly into the waiting mouths of the baby birds of the 70s. They begged for more. And this was sustenance? Those pricks deserve Jimmy Buffet.

Best
Savage Republic "Viva La Rock 'n' Roll"
This is sort of a lyrical bust. It proclaims Jim Morrison a hero and New York's new wave–assuming he means Jim Carroll–as a suitable conduit of Rimbaud. My rock playbook doesn't have room for anyone named Jim. They tend toward overrated gasbagism. That said, the refrain "Qu'est que c'est? The people say/Paris is a wonderful city on 40 francs a day" is more clever than it should be, though, offset by the primitive music: a rhythmic anti-groove, siren guitars and chanted vocals. Close second by Savage Republic: "Rapeman's First EP."

Final Vinyl

2006-09-13T10:56:00.000-04:00

Title: Final Vinyl
Artist: Hot Tuna
Purchased: Donation from neighbor
Verdict: Another one squeaks by

This seems like an appropriate album title for consideration on Needledropper. If only it were my final vinyl, I could live the sparse existence that would make my mind clear. I knew nothing about Hot Tuna when I put this on, save that I hate the name Hot Tuna and the longhair with the wacky glassses on the cover didn't change my mind. A little research revealed that the band was an acoustic offshoot of Jefferson Airplane (another turn-off).

When I put it on, it was sort of a nice surprise. Final Vinyl features a lot of acoustic bluesy numbers without trying to be full-out blues, as well as some Leon Redbone-style old-timey material.

By the last song on side one, it slowly starts to slide onto electric white-boy blues (read: bad). Rather than risk ruining my evening further, I tok it off without listening to side two. I don't honestly know if I'll listen to this again, but those first few songs made me feel a little happier while I listened, so, while not a ringing endorsement, this makes the cut until my next cleaning-go-round.

So I've been immortalized in song.

2006-09-07T23:27:00.000-04:00

Or rather, immortalized in skit:
"Fuck you Joe Garden, I don't know you from shit!"
MC Chris, "Twelve Sided" from Dungeon Master of Ceremonies.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Download the new album now on iTunes.

Burn Your Sister

2006-09-05T09:01:00.000-04:00

Title: Burn Your Sister
Artist: Horny Genius
Purchased: Don't remember; likely got it as a buyer in a record store when all Horny Genius' label's records were on clearance.
Verdict: Keeper

Hmm. Well, this is hard. One of the members, John McNeil, is an acquaintance-friend from back in Madison. I haven't kept in touch, and we never really hung out that much, but was always a nice surprise to run into him. So now, John, if you're reading, I have to fess up that I've had this record in my stacks and never listened to it until now. And it's cool that you got Michael "Killdozer" Gerald to do vocals on a track. I'm going to see Killdozer this weekend at the Touch & Go 25 anniversary block party. Should be fun.

I have to ask, since my disposition is already colored, can I fairly assess this record? I'm not entirely sure. I can say that it sounds to me like a poppier version of Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, and that's good. There's a pretty instrumental moment in "Goin' Down to Mexico," which is also good. Michael Gerald's vocals are pretty buried, though I'll blame that on the production. It seems like the production could have been better across the board. It sounded like the guy was trying to smooth down all the rough edges and make it a college rock album, not a rock album.

Hey! Here's something interesting, and from the internet no less! The producer, Albert Garzon, also produced 10,000 Maniacs, which definitely backs up my "blame the producer" theory. He's now a burlesque pianist, perhaps as an act of atonement. I think there was a really good (not great) album in here that got buried. As it is, it's okay. And I'm keeping it because there are good feelings attached to it.

Stand Your Ground

2006-09-04T22:35:00.000-04:00

Title: Stand Your Ground
Artist: Juluka
Purchased: Entered my collection from my brother's
Verdict: South African't

I've had this album for nearly 20 years, and I listened to it once previously. I held onto it because I thought that I would eventually grow into it, learn to appreciate its African flavor. And Johnny Clegg is a name that I had heard, so I thought that maybe it was something I should have. Simply put, I kept it because of the white guilt that accompanies an undergraduate education in a predominantly white college town.

What I heard this time around reminded me of what I think the soundtrack to the Robin Williams vehicle Club Paradise sounds like. It's smooth, poppy, vaguely ethnic and rife with electronic tom drum fills. They're the kind of band with black members an 80s college student could see without really challenging their world view. Free Nelson Mandella!

Connie County

2006-08-29T09:11:00.000-04:00

In my dream last night, Connie Francis was a 6' 5" post-operative transsexual who wrote the following songs for Pink Floyd:

• "Money"
• "Wish You Were Here"
• "Who Farted?"

Worst/Best Rock Songs About Rock, Part 1

2006-08-27T23:15:00.000-04:00

Don McLean "American Pie"
I may as well start at the bottom and claw my way up. "American Pie" is not only the worst song about rock, it is one of the worst songs about anything. I blame this long, long, long song for opening the floodgates of boomer nostalgia that dominated our cultural horizons for years. Oh, would that we could go back in time, when a Latino, a nerd from Lubbock and a gimmicky DJ could all die in the same Iowa plane crash, back to the time I finger banged Mary Sue in the back of my rag top Chevy at the drive-in. James Dean and Marilyn Monroe were taken from us too soon, and Marlon Brando should have died before he got fat. And all this music today sounds like noise. Now we live in the shadow of the greatest generation, but we stopped a war! And so on. This song is so god-awful that I can't even listen to the Killdozer version of it.

Twisted Sister "I Wanna Rock"
I love Dee Snyder. Can't deny it. I think he had the best moment in the PMRC hearings in the 80's (scroll down to the first exchange). The man even had a cameo in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. How cool is that? He was a loudmouth, and whether you agreed or not, you knew he wasn't just putting on airs. I outwardly hated the video for "I Wanna Rock" in high school, but I must have secretly liked it because it always stuck with me. Authority Figure: (Voice rising, lips curled in disgust) "Twisted Sister? What kind of man desecrates a defenseless textbook? I've got a good mind to slap your fat face! You are destroying that life with that, that, that garbage! All right, Mister Sister, I want you to tell me, better yet, stand up and tell the class: what do you want to do with your life?" Young Student Who Wants to Rock: (channeling Dee Snyder's voice) "I wanna rock!" Authority Figure is suitably freaked through the ceiling.

Swallow

2006-08-25T09:29:00.000-04:00

Title: Swallow
Artist: Swallow
Purchased: Exclusive Company, Madison, WI 1995.
Verdict: Gagged
I remember Sub Pop. I remember grunge. I remember Tad. I don't remember Swallow. And for good reason.

Off The Record

2006-08-22T23:12:00.000-04:00

First, off, I would like to apologize for using "Huh? Huh?" twice in Needledrop as a punchline. It is sloppy to say the least, and I will never do it again.

Second, I would like to provide a personal aside. My mother's father just passed away on Monday. My emotions about this are complex. Sort of. I am sad, which is simple, but not for the predicatble reasons. I loved my grandpa, but really didn't know him as a human being. I knew him as the guy that went to work at the bank every day walked home for lunch to eat and take a nap.

My sadness is rooted more in the fact that Grandpa Strange (yes, that was his real name) was my last grandparent to pass on. I'm 36 years old, and in a sense I am blessed that I made it to 35 with three living grandparents. Since December, I've lost them all. The foundation of my two families has been demolished, and it makes me feel that now, more than ever, I must give up my childhood. I love all of my family members, regardless of our divergent upbringings, but there is no longer anything holding us together.

Later in my Grandpa Strange's life (yes, that was his name), I made my first effforts to get to know him as a person, but by this time, it was too late. He wasn't able to coherently answer my questions. The last time I saw him was a month and a half ago, and I had to spend an hour trying not to cry. His coherence increased as time went on, but he was not the man who spent his life working to make the lives of his children and grandchlidren better. Not the man who spent his time on a battleship in the South Pacific hoping he would come back to his family. It was hard to see the patriarch of a family, who had done well, by all accounts, reduced to being pushed around in a wheelchair.

There's no moral to this. No greater lesson. No one can ever be told to appreciate what they have and take it seriously. I just want to celebrate a man who I didn't know very well, but still had a great influence in my life.

Thanks for enduring. Today, I am a man.

Beaver Dam Senior High School 1976-77 Mixed Chorus, Choirsters and Girls Glee Club

2006-08-21T20:31:00.000-04:00

Title: Beaver Dam Senior High School 1976-77 Mixed Chorus, Choirsters and Girls Glee Club
Artist: See above
Purchased: Uhhhhhhh. Probably in 2000-2001, and definitely in Wisconsin.
Verdict: Off Wisconsin.

My friend Jon Ward has a lot of luck with records like this. He's gone around and found high school recordings of 60s pop and psych songs and compiled them for friends. Okay, it's not lucky, he looks long and hard for this stuff. Me, I am an amateur digger. The only thing I've ever been really proud of finding was an Ann Castle rockabilly 45 called "Go Get the Shotgun, Grandpa."

That didn't mean I don't want to strike out and try to find that record that would make Jon Ward's eyes bug out with envy.* So when I found the Beaver Dam et cetera and so on record, I figured that there was a chance of containing some sort of bump and swing.

Well, no. It is a bad recording of a small-town Wisconsin high school choir doing predominantly religious songs, including the whitest spiritual ever. There's something weird about the arrangements of one of the songs, some sort of bizarre back-and-forth of the lyric "Why do you persecute?" that was clearly meant to please parents more than it was to sound good. For that alone, I almost kept it, but Anita rightly pointed out that I would never listen to it again, no matter how bizarre.

Oh, and check out the back. All the titles are hand written. Still, if the family of one of the singers could let it go, I can too.

*Actually, rather than tormenting him with it, I probably would have given it to him if it was any good, because Jon Ward is THAT NICE. Seriously.

Shotgun

2006-08-20T18:19:00.000-04:00

Title: Shotgun EP
Artist: Colourbox
Purchased: Wazoo Records, Madison, WI, late 80s
Verdict: Boi-i-i-ing!

As you may have ascertained from the spelling of "colour," Colourbox are of British origin. Further, they are 1/2 of the studio project M/A/R/R/S, who did "Pump Up The Volume". I remember buying it because (DAMAGED HUMAN BEING ALERT) I was a) really into 4AD Records at the time (they put out Cocteau Twins and Bauhaus) and b) a big fan of their song "Hot Doggies" from the 4AD sampler Lonely Is An Eyesore. I didn't really get into Shotgun at the time, so I put it away, in alphabetical order, like I did with all my records, and went about buying more records to put around it.

I probably didn't like the soulful voice on it at the time. I was hoping for something, you know, a little more Elizabeth Fraser-y or Lisa Gerrard-esque, who, by the way, looks totally creepy these days. Going back and listening to it now, that thin soulfulness is pretty much sole redeeming quality. Musically, there are some periodic keyboard flourishes that touch on interesting ambience, but more than anything, it sounds like two guys in a studio going "No shit, what does THIS do? AWESOME! Check out this keyboard noise! Bloop bloop bloop blip! Ha ha ha! Now fire up that drum machine and put a beat to it."

The cover design of the negative image of two horses humping is pretty good, but everything Vaughan Oliver and Nigel Grierson (aka 23 Envelope) deisgned was pretty to look at. This reminds me of the time I wanted to do a little blurb about 23 Envelope for the Onion back in 1994 and I called 4AD to get some information and the publicist was a completely dismissive dick. Well, Mr. Publicist! Who has a blog NOW? Huh? Huh?

Save a record

2006-08-20T18:02:00.000-04:00

If you would like something I plan on getting rid of, and you disagree with my assessment and would like it for your own, let me know. We can probably work something out. No value judgement will be placed on your desire. I would rather place music in the hands of someone who wants it than throw it out.

My Aim Is True

2006-08-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

Title: My Aim Is True
Artist: Elvis Costello
Purchased: Likely migrated into my records collection from that of an ex-girlfriend.
Verdict: The sound it made hitting the garbage can was more interesting that anything on the album.

I didn't need to listen to this again to tell you what I think of it. I lived it. But in the interest of fairness and not cheating in my mission to fairly judge all my stagnant records, I did. I stand by my conviction that I've never heard anyone more overrated than Elvis Costello. And don't lecture me. I tried. I think he's boring and his voice is grating. "But you haven't heard the right song," you say. No, and I won 't. Ever. For everyone that wants to argue against, feel free. But first, lock yourself in a room and listen to "Allison" 15 times in a row, then come out and tell me what a clever gent and a genius he is.

Aesthetics Update

2006-08-16T09:02:00.000-04:00

Recently seen: Nearly accoustic sets by Best Friends Forever (great and energetic, funny and pixie stick sweet songs and so, so nice as people) with Bobcats (solid and fun, two vocalists, keyboard and a song about zombies in love, not to be confused with the Jazz Butcher song "Zombie Love") at Eat Records in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Also, a technically adept pirate-themed band on a different bill at a different venue on the same night.

Recenltly amlost bought: Die Kreuzen-October File, Ignition-Orafying Mysticle. Couldn't commit to more vinyl though. Perhaps I'll get 'em on CD.

Recently listening to: The Conet Project, The KLF Chill Out, Sleater Kinney The Hot Rock, "Television" and "Message From Our Sponsor (Object/Subject) from the Terminal City Riccochet soundtrack.

Recently watched on YouTube:

Beaker Sings Feelings

Finally, the entire UNICEF Smurf Bombing

Available on request: DJ Aperitif's Rocket to Rock mix CD.

Freedom Of Choice

2006-08-13T23:15:00.000-04:00

Title: Freedom of Choice
Artist: Devo
Purchased: Neighbor's donation, 2003
Verdict: Eject

Calm down, spazzmos. I have it on CD and another copy on vinyl. I don't need two vinyl copies. Or do I. Ulp.

The Nightfly

2006-08-13T19:56:00.000-04:00

Title: The Nightfly
Artist: Donald Fagen
Purchased: Believed to be album donation from Sean Dorgan
Verdict: Sorry Jessie

Jessie Dean is one of my favorite people in the world. She easily makes the top 20 of all the people I've known in my life. However, she loves Steely Dan and Donald Fagan, so I feel like I'm letting her down. Or at least I will let her down in like 3…2…1…

I really dislike this album.

It's a smooth jazz nightmare, slick and overproduced, Kenny G with vocals which might actually be kind of clever if I felt like sitting down and listening to them, which I don't. Anita said, with a sour face, that it sounds like someone noodling around in an organ store. It has one song, "I.G.Y." that got radio play in the 80's, so my familiarity led me to dislike this song less. Not enough though.

2

2006-08-13T13:18:00.000-04:00

Title: 2
Artist: Bloodrock
Purchased: Either a yard sale or a thrift store
Verdict: So gone

Am I unfair in bringing certain expectations to the turntable with me when I put on an album by a band called Bloodrock? Namely, that the album will rock…hard? Look at that cover art. A bunch of surly guys (Could it be Bloodrock themselves?) stare out at you, warning that they would kick your ass in a red second if only they could figure out a way to travel through this record cover to do it. Meanwhile, their image is being drenched in blood. Whoah! Now they're going to be really mad!

On the back, a lot is cleared up. 1) The blood on the front seems to come from old-fashioned glass donor-type bottles, so they probably just stole it from their day jobs as hospital orderlies. 2)) They're from Texas. Okay, in reality, that doesn't mean anything. I love a lot of music from Texas. Roky Erickson. The Cherubs. The Butthole Surfers. ZZ Top. It's a pretty long list. In my mind, though, Texas is a hurdle that needs to be overcome.

Bloodrock went to the "I/Me/Girl/Woman/Heart" lyrical school. "Girl, please believe me/I wouldn't cheat on you/Woman, don't you leave me/ I couldn't live without you". Bleah. In a way, it reminds me of Marky Ramone's first band Dust, but at least those lyrics were kind of funny and the rock actually rocked. Bloodrock's music is too weak to be decent acid rock and too simple to be prog rock. There are times they can't even seem to play their instruments on the beat. OH! Great lyric just happened: "God in heaven/teach me how to die." Whoah. That, according to Wikipedia, was from their biggest hit, "D.O.A.". Listening to it again, it reminds me of "Rock and Roll Creation" by Spinal Tap. And it ends with sirens. Too little too late, Bloodrock!

American Gold: 24 Million Sellers [sic] In A Two Record Set

2006-08-13T11:17:00.000-04:00

Title: American Gold
Artist: Henry Jerome
Purchased: Half-Priced Books, Madison, WI June 2004 (estimate)
Verdict: Squeaks by

Based on the artwork alone, this is a tough call. The gate-fold cover of a woman in a wig and ill-fitting sequined minidress looking like she is greatly amused or, um, pleased by being surrounded by a handful of gold records-–seemingly of French origin–-is tacky-neat, but not on the par of a Whipped Cream and Other Delights or a Jorge Negrette. That caveat aside, if the album indeed had the boasted 24 million-sellers…Well, let's just say it’s hard to argue with those numbers.

A cursory listen of American Gold reveals Henry Jerome's instrumental orchestration of several hits circa 1970. I was turned off by "Son Of A Preacher Man," because I, like anyone who went into a bar the year after the Pulp Fiction soundtrack came out, was subjected to the original enough to hate preachers, men, and Dusty Springfield. The album really shines, though, with the swinging horns on upbeat soul numbers ["Uptight (Everything's Alright)"] and the evocative sentimental mooshiness of the slower numbers ("You Make Me So Very Happy" or "What the World Needs Now Is Love"). Jerome did manage to take the sass out of "Respect," and the whole thing could have been one album, but on the whole, it's worth hanging on to.

It says a lot that music I dismissed as uncool elevator music in my youth now sounds cooler than the originals. Possibly, it says that most of the music covered on American Gold has been reduced to wallpaper by appropriation in commercials, television and soundtracks. More likely, it says that I am old and in the way.

The Story of a Young Heart

2006-08-08T14:07:00.001-04:00

Title: The Story of A Young Heart
Artist: A Flock Of Seagulls
Purchased: God, I hope I didn't pay for this.
Verdict: Dump it

To my defense, I don't remember how or when I got this. I just know it was stuck in with my other, better records. I may well have laid out some precious quarters for it. It might have been a charity offering from a well-meaning friend or neighbor. Don't laugh. Such an act of generosity landed me a copy of The Contortions Buy and several other fun records.

That said I'll admit to having a soft spot for A Flock of Seagulls hits like "Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)", "Space Age Love Song" and "I Ran", so I held out some slender hopes when I put this on. But no, there wasn't a passable track on the whole thing. Any time I hear people talk about how they love the 80s–and not referencing the TV show–I want to deliver them a four-hour multi-media presentation enumerating all the reasons the 80s were just a rotting sandwich with Reagan the first George Bush being the bread and a lot of whiny lyrics, uninspired drum-machine beats and a thin overall sound as the filling. It wasn't all floppy haircuts and Duran Duran. There were beatings. This Album Sucked (So I Threw It the Hell Out).

Summer of '42 Soundtrack

2006-08-07T17:46:00.000-04:00

Title: Summer of '42 Soundtrack
Artist: Michel LeGrand
Purchased: Savers, Madison, WI July 2006
Verdict: Keep it

Apparently, this was a popular book, movie and soundtrack based on a true story that I never heard of either. Something about a forbidden romance on a New England island while a husband is away dying in Europe…for the war.

If I had my way, ALL New England romances would be forbidden! Huyk huyk hyuk!

Based on the synopsis, it seems like Summer of '42 falls into my I-could-not-possibly-find-anything-of-interest-in-this-wistful-recollection-of-days-gone-by category, like I do with most Neil Simon plays. But on the thrift store shelf, the soundtrack was alluring. Michel LeGrand is responsible for the catchy meaningless vocal track "Di Gue Ding" from The Kid Stays In the Picture*, so, against my wife's warning, I wanted to see if lightning could strike twice.

It didn't so much. I started checking out the tracks (some of which weren't even from the movie), and it was a nice, lilting orchestral score. I was tempted to keep it for that alone, but I need excuses not to keep things right now. However, the last track I got to (actually the last song on side one) was "High I.Q.", a fun '60s go-go number like I was expecting on Gaily, Gaily. Michel LeGrand, you pulled the fat out of the fire once again.

*The Kid Stays In the Picture soundtrack was compiled my wife, the lovely Anita Serwacki, so she's largely responsible for re-introducing "Di Gue Ding" to the States.

A little about the Needledrop...

2006-08-06T23:24:00.000-04:00

If you don't know me, you probably aren't reading this. But let's say you opened a browser, mashed the keyboard and this came up.

Here are my aesthetic guidelines:

1) If it has a cover of "Sunshine Superman" or "The Theme from Love Story," I will buy it.
2) If the cover looks interesting, I will buy it.
3) If it seems like a vanity record, I will buy it.
4) If it has one good song on it, I keep it.
5) If the cover is really, really good, I keep it whether the music is good or not.
6) If it's Ray Conniff and I think I don't already own it, I will buy it.*
7) Some of last new music I bought were two Meters reissues, a great Fall rip-off song by Tom Vek, a Built To Spill song (my first Built To Spill purchase), a grime song by No Lay, "I'll Be Around" by the Spinners and Syd Barret's The Madcap Laughs.
8) The last shows I went to see were Os Mutantes, The Eternals, and a split bill with Parts and Labor and Oneida.
9) I do most of my used record shopping in Madison thrift stores when I go to visit.
10) I don't have as much time for music any more.

* Note: This is not an act of winking irony. I really like Ray Conniff, especially Happiness Is, and his entire discography can be picked up super cheap.

Gaily, Gaily original motion picture score

2006-08-06T13:53:00.000-04:00

Title: Gaily, Gaily
Artist: Henry Mancini
Purchased: Savers, Madison, WI July 2006
Verdict: Ditch it

Based on the cover, this one could have been great. From the tagline ("The movie of a 19 year old who went to town–who went to town!" and "By the time Ben Harvey is 21 years old, he won't have a thrill left in his body.") to the photo of the young man on the cover, completely nude save a paperboy hat and beat-up satchel covering his governor, it looked like it would have at least one acid-rock freakout song or at least some swinging mod music. Plus, it's a Norman "Jesus Christ Super Star" Jewison film. Huh? Huh?

Anyone could have made that mistake.

Instead, what you get is a bunch of banjo and tuba faux-dixieland crap that makes you want to dig up Mancini to punch him. I cant imagine a less-gay sounding album than this, unless, unbeknownst to me, banjos have been secret code for gay for years. I threw it on the "Get out of my house!" pile.